4th January 2020.
I’m rediscovering my balance, and it feels good. January was always going to be the month that I slowed things down (being eight-months pregnant will do that to you), but I’ve been making a conscious effort to meditate, connect with my baby, pick up with friends and give my family more of me.
Work, for once, is not taking over, as I’m re-addressing certain thought patterns. I realised over the Christmas break that since losing my mum at a young age, my career and the work I do each day are the one thing I have control over; I choose to show up on time, I choose to give 110%, I choose to not let people down. But the irony is that in taking on too much last year, I did let people down, I wasn’t always able to deliver my best work and I wasn’t showing up in the other areas of my life that also matter, like at home or with friends and wider family. And let’s not even mention showing up for myself.
Oh, the wonder of taking a week off!
I ordered more books and began to read again. I rearranged the apps on my phone so I wasn’t immediately confronted with email and social media notifications. I went through my Instagram follower and following lists on my personal and public accounts to really cleanse what I was consuming and with whom I was sharing. I agreed to working fewer days. I introduced mindfulness as the first and last thing I do each day; practicing gratitude, connecting to my breath and the baby inside of me. And I updated my positive habits app with realistic goals so I could be reminded throughout the day to stick to these new healthy habits.
Am I living the perfect life immediately? No. It’s a journey. Sometimes mornings are a rush and I don’t get to read my daily spiritual excerpt (my soul food for the morning), but I don’t let it derail my day. I simply adjust and, if I can, I make time to fit in the things I’ve missed at other points in my day. It’s not about self-judgement, it’s about practicing kindness and showing up for myself. Because if I’m taking better care of me, everyone else benefits too.
One week in to 2020 and I’ve realised that I’m not resenting or wishing away the time that I’m spending. By slowing down and reframing my thoughts, I’m able to be more present and more content. I like this new version of me, and I know I’m only scratching the surface.
One step at a time. But I’m so excited for this year to unfold.